montreal. igloofest. boomclap anniversary.
excuse the ceiling eyes.
montreal craziness.
flew saturday for igloofest- french fries, bambounou, and baraka. partying in -30 weather blew my mind.
boston tomorrow with the girls.
not sure what to expect, but a few days out of this city is exactly what i need. catching my fall into a deep winter hibernation, hopefully this trip will be exactly what i need to snap me out of it.
One love.
Keys n Krates at the drake tonight.
It’s been a while Toronto, since I’ve seen you for the weekend.
Stoked to stumble down your streets and listen to your music.
I’m dressing up for you tonight Toronto, I’ve missed you.
Don’t let me down.
There’s a bluebird
There’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I’m too tough for him
I say, stay in there, I’m not going to let anybody see you.
There’s a bluebird in my heart that wants to get out but I pour whiskey on him and inhale cigarette smoke and the whores and the bartenders and the grocery clerks never know that he’s in there.
Charles Bukowski, you genius. Today’s inspiration, when I can’t find words of my own to describe exactly how I feel.
and i don’t really give a fuck, and my excuse is that i’m young.
guess i let my pms take over.
i’m better than fine. i need to run my own shit, run my own game, tell these boys to get the fuck out of my bedroom confusing me with questions like…
putting my own shit on blast.
self-reminder: airlines have weight limits on baggage.
so should i.
i ain’t feeling very swagged out lately. i got it back, got a glimpse; but dancing is tricky when you got a heavy heart. swaying your hips ain’t so easy when you’re in the fetal position.
who the fuck am i? i am stronger than this. better than this. better than this collective of experiences that keep fucking running me over like a god damn truck. i want my swag back. i wanna listen to biggie and rap out loud and not give a fuck what people think. i want to have sex with someone because they want me, are about me, care about me. i forget what that is like. (one of those things really ain’t like the others…)
heavy shit on blast, i’m done with getting real.
i want to know someone.
their scars, their flaws, their insecurities.
i want to know what puts a smile on their face.
i want to be somebody’s muse.
i just want someone to kick it with.
at the end of the day, someone to sit down with, lay my head on their chest, anticipate the feeling of my fingers slipping into theirs as i’m washed over with a sense of ease.
i want someone who i can hang with, someone to tell my secrets to, someone to share a mutual understanding and obsession with.
and it’s silly, to know that as basic and simplistic as these wants are, i just can’t seem to get my foot in the door. i can only get it open a crack.
i wish i never opened it at all.
and if you do me right, i’m gonna do right by you.
and if you keep it tight, i’m gonna confide in you.
i know what’s on your mind, there will be time for that too.
if you hang with me.
robyn. love. repeat.
sicks tea wun
website of the day: the sixty one
i love the idea of this, a website that plays you a random selection of songs.
it’s obviously hit and miss, but when a gem pops up, it usually is worth the 10 previous ones you had to skip through.
today’s gem: The Cinematic Orchestra, To Build A Home (Ma Fleur, 2007)
this song is all around beautiful and i’m not sure why it’s taken me over four years to hear it. it makes me feel silly sometimes knowing a song has been out there for so long, being enjoyed by so many, except for me. i think i have the unfortunate tendency to get so caught up in the music i know and enjoy, that i lose the desire to listen to the overwhelmingly vast amount of music that’s floating around different airwaves.
also: A Cloud for Climbing. they have beautiful instrumentals that recall at some points Explosions in the Sky, but still maintain a totally distinguished sound. You can download their album for free HERE. It’s only 3 songs, but with one running over 5 minutes and another over 7, there’s still a good bit to listen to.
song of the day.
American Analog Set- The Postman (Know By Heart, 2001)
first year flashbacks, 8th floor social science building, you and i studying, legs intertwined. you reached over, earphone in hand, and this song was playing.
you’re long gone, but this song/band stuck around. so thank you for that.
it’s weird to think of this album as 10 years old. it’s still one of my favourites.
song of the day
Stars- Dead Hearts (The Five Ghosts, 2010)
reminded of this song when playing tash 500 different versions of the Like Crazy trailer on youtube.
…and it makes me sick. humanity.
or a lack thereof, in other people.
how can you not feel the effects your words and actions, however trivial, have on the innocent?
how can you not feel?
dead hearts are everywhere.
sometimes, it’s so hard to see past them.
i believe in karma, forgiveness, taking things lightly, counting your blessings, making a fool of yourself, and laughter. i believe in respect, give and take, and all music created in the 1960s, heard beginning to end on my dad’s record player.
i believe there is comedy in every tragedy, that everyone should be a feminist, and in meeting new people. i believe in open minds, trust, respect, and never being too serious about anything, it’ll give you wrinkles and headaches.
i believe in feeling awkward at inappropriate times, and constant attempts at bettering yourself. i believe in songs on repeat, guilty pleasures, gut instinct, immaturity, smoking too many cigarettes, and that walking in the rain peacefully gets you less wet than running frantically.
i believe that i harve already felt more love than some people do in their entire lives, that music can change you, and that laughing is the fucking cure for everything. all i did today was laugh until i cried. another cheesy saying, yeah i know, i can’t get enough- find something you love to do and you’ll never work another day in your life. i’m not sure, about the rest of my life, but days like today- i could work days like today so many times over, and i’d be okay with that.
i have witnessed so much with this job. fourth of july fireworks from 25 000 feet above the state of new york, tiny bursts of colour exploding in the darkness below. lightning storms illuminating clouds. i have sat in the flight deck while descending over manhattan, a panoramic view of the brooklyn bridge, empire state, and statue of liberty in front of me as if they were on display just for me to see amongst the bright city lights. i have seen forests stretched over miles of rolling hills, a picturesque view of the colour changing leaves. i’ve seen the toronto skyline, in so many variations. lit up at night, covered in fog, reflecting the sunrise. i have seen the rocky coasts of the atlantic, and i have had my breath taken away so many times by the things that i have seen from an aerial view. i love my stupid job, even when passengers temporarily make me lose faith in humanity by putting their infants in the aisle 30 seconds before landing. even when i’m getting it trouble for menial bullshit like wearing the wrong scarf or not wearing 4 inch heels at 5 in the morning. at the end of the day, i can shrug off the bullshit, but i can’t forget how much i’ve seen.
blah blah blah.
maybe i had said something that was wrong
can i make it better…with the lights turned on?
florence can make anything better.
i’ve taken a clue from b.f. skinner, i am a victim of operant conditioning.
if what he has told us that if B continuously follows A, then whenever A occurs, we learn to expect B, even if there is no definite connection between the two. Skinner’s own trials done with dogs are useless here, I will use a much more relevant one, watch (but excuse the poor quality).
now as i wake up from a 12 hour sleep, feeling lethargic and angry at myself, i realize that every time A has happened to me, B has happened. yes there are much more variations than a simple expectation of an altoid, BUT the song remains the same. A keeps happening, and it always ends badly, so it has become programmed in my mind, that since A has occurred, B is inevitable. So I have sub-consciously thought, why wait? why wait for B to creep up on me from behind, when i can bring it about myself? so the self-sabotage has ensued and i’ve woken up feeling like an idiot and all i really want is to go back to sleep for another 12 hours, or maybe a few more, until it is time to go to work tomorrow morning.
when you’re ready, just say you’re ready/ when all the baggage just ain’t as heavy/ and the party’s over, just don’t forget me/ we’ll change the pace and just go slow
denim vest- forever 21, $20
lace detail sweater- topshop, gift from madre
skirt- urban outfitters, $20 sale
after much pleading, and a whole lot of objection on her part, my lovely franmate tash posted one of my outfits on her toronto style blog. whenever she admires one of my outfits, it’s like the only seal of approval i need. the days we worked at h&m together, when our conversations consisted of her walking into the break room and loudly announcing “hey meg”, no matter how confrontational she was, i always admired how she could put shit together both seamlessly and effortlessly and her blog is a reflection of just that. a collection of both friends and strangers, she captures what a lot of style blogs miss. in other words- if you’re looking for a style blog that’s not going to hand you photos of some run of the mill, straight off a mannequin look, go and check hers out.
